


Bi-Monthly Nights Off (and Other Horrors)

by Wonderlandleighleigh



Series: Boarding School Buddies [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), Castle, Gilmore Girls, Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Gen, Strip Poker, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-25
Updated: 2012-12-25
Packaged: 2017-11-22 09:52:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/608516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wonderlandleighleigh/pseuds/Wonderlandleighleigh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coulson regrets interrupting Tony's bi-monthly night off with his oldest friends</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bi-Monthly Nights Off (and Other Horrors)

“Well, boys, I have run outta money,” Lorelai announced, lifting her leg and gesturing with a hand, as if she were Vanna White, showing off a newly uncovered vowel.

Bruce sighed heavily. “Lorelai, why do you even play?” 

“So that I can show off my fantastic body and lose all my money,” she grinned as she tugged a boot off and then the sock underneath. She threw it at Bruce, who caught it easily, looking distinctly unimpressed.

“Well, I’m not going to complain,” Tony said, sitting back. “I’m just sorry there’s no appropriate stripping music.” 

Rick began to get up from his chair. “That can be-” 

“Don’t,” Lorelai snapped. “Don’t you dare.” 

“We can always make our own,” Tony suggested. 

“It’s true,” Rick nodded. “We can start singing.” 

Bruce groaned softly. “Please don’t.” 

“Just deal the cards,” Lorelai said.

*****

“Are you sure about this, Phil?” Pepper asked as they stepped into the elevator in the lavish Manhattan apartment building. “This is Tony’s bi-monthly night off. It’s a little strange.” 

“I have to talk to him,” Coulson said. “It’s important.” 

“Trust me, whatever it is, it can wait until tomorrow afternoon,” Pepper told him. “Nothing is so important to walk in on this.” 

Coulson shook his head. “Whatever it is, I think I can handle it.” 

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Pepper muttered as the elevator dinged and they stepped off. 

“Whose apartment is this?” Coulson asked.

“An old, dear friend of Tony’s,” Pepper explained. “A small group of them get together to play poker once every two months. They went to boarding school together, attended all of their parents’ fancy rich people parties as a little clique.” 

“Do we know these friends?” Coulson questioned. “Do they know about his position in SHIELD?” 

“I…actually don’t know what they know,” Pepper shrugged. “I don’t stick around on these nights. No significant others allowed.”

“I’m surprised he can go anywhere without you holding his hand,” Coulson said, teasingly.

Pepper smirked, but rolled her eyes before knocking on the door. 

It took a few moments, but eventually, it swung open, and a tall, solid man with brown hair and big blue eyes peered out. He was wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts adorned with ink pots and quills, and a confused expression. 

Pepper grinned indulgently. “Hi, Rick.” 

Coulson turned pale. “You’re Richard Castle.” 

“Yes!” Rick said with a big, drunken grin. “Yes I am! Hi, Pepper. Hi…person. Who knows my name. How do you know my name?” 

“I’ve read all your books.” 

“Right! Thank you! Thank you so much it’s…you’re too kind.” 

“Let me guess: Lorelai ran out of money, and so you started playing strip poker again, which involved lubricating Bruce with expensive scotch.” Pepper said. 

“You’re so smart,” Rick told her. “Yes. But just FYI, Bruce has no clothes on. None. Nada. He’s completely naked.” 

Pepper stepped past him into the apartment, to find the other three players around the table. Lorelai was in her panties and bra, Tony was only wearing his socks, and Bruce…

Bruce was indeed completely naked. 

“Hi. We need to borrow Tony,” Pepper said, unphased.

Coulson had turned around to avert his eyes. “And Tony’s underpants. We need to borrow those, too.” 

“You wish, buster!” Lorelai cried, waving the aforementioned underpants over her head. “All of your underpants are belong to me.” 

Tony snorted loudly and then turned to Pepper. “Pep. You know the rules.”

“Coulson says it’s an emergency,” Pepper replied. “And you weren’t picking up your phone.” 

“You did warn him, right?” Tony asked. “About this.” 

“I did,” Pepper nodded. “He assured me that he could take it.”

“Uh-huh.” 

Coulson rocked back and forth on his heels. “This…this is nothing that can’t wait until tomorrow.” 

“Clearly.” 

“Aren’t you going to introduce us?” Bruce asked, sitting back, casual as can be. 

“Where are my manners?!” Tony cried, hopping to his feet. He tugged Phil around, who promptly looked up at the high ceiling. “Agent Phil Coulson, this is Bruce Wayne, Lorelai Gilmore, and Rick Castle.” 

“I know who Bruce Wayne and Richard Castle are,” Coulson said, still looking up. 

“Ooh, he’s an agent,” Lorelai grinned. “An agent of what?” 

“SHIELD,” Tony replied. “A super secret organization that…does things. A lot of…things. I don’t exactly know, specifically, what they do. But…but they do things.” 

Lorelai snorted. “Dirty.” 

Rick frowned, thinking that over, before his eyes lit up. “It is a little dirty, isn’t it?” 

“We should leave,” Coulson said. 

“Yes, we should,” Pepper nodded. She kissed Tony briefly. “Happy will be here in the morning with the car. Please have clothes on by then.” 

“Why? I’m just gonna let you take them off me again when I get home.” 

“Bye, Tony.” 

“I’m just saying.” 

“Bye, Pepper!” Lorelai cried. “Tony loooves you!” 

Pepper grinned, obviously holding back laughter and closed her eyes. 

“She’s not really wrong,” Tony smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Bye,” Pepper nodded. “Bye, Lorelai, bye, Rick, Bye, Bruce.” 

“Have a nice night, Pepper,” Bruce said, and Pepper could have sworn he wasn’t drunk at all. 

“Bye, Pepper!” Rick repeated. “Bye…person! Agent who likes my books!” 

Coulson waved, but did not turn around to look at them as he followed Pepper out quickly.

When the door closed, he rubbed his face quietly. 

“I did warn you.” 

“You did.” 

“Do you believe me now?” 

“Yes,” Coulson said. “You’re okay with Tony being that liquored up with a mostly naked woman?” 

“Only when it’s Lorelai,” Pepper replied. “Believe me. They’re fine. She’s married, Rick and Bruce both have committed relationships. I had coffee with Luke, Selina and Kate after dinner tonight, actually.” 

“How nice.” 

“Let’s get you out of here.” 

“Please.”


End file.
